Thursday, July 23, 2009

Global warming?

Summertime, And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin',
and the cotton is high.
Oh, your daddy's rich
and your mamma's good lookin'.
So hush little baby, don't you cry.
One of these mornings
you're going to rise up singing,
then you'll spread your wings
and you'll take to the sky.
But until that morning
There's a'nothing can harm you
With your daddy and mammy standing by.

Summertime, by George Gershwin, lyrics by DuBose Heyward

The sun is shining this morning. For most, excepting those in an Amazon rain forest and perhaps Seattle, that is not a big deal. Here in the eastern Great Lakes region, in the midst of our water-logged pseudo-summer, it is cause for great celebration. Children are running and dancing in the streets, old men are dreaming dreams, young men are seeing's nearly biblical.

It has been raining since April, causing all manner of problems. Mainly of the whining "I can't believe what a crappy summer...can't mow the rained out..." variety. Picnics, graduation parties, family reunions, street festivals and the like have all felt the pain. Coupled with the rain are temperatures at least ten degrees below our normals for this year, prompting most to just stay indoors. Not to mention hail and tornado warnings. In a region socked in by snow for what seems like ten months out of the year, this has created considerable strain. Folks are just cranky. Therefore, I have compiled a list of positives for those who are considering packing the wife and kids in the Winnebago and heading for the Mojave desert:

1. The grass is sooooooo green! Yes, lawns that should be a lovely shade of death brown are still green and lovely, even if they are fourteen inches high because we haven't been able to run the mower due to the rain.

2. Chuck E. Cheese is booming! Submerged playgrounds be damned, kids gotta play. Why not in a joint owned by a smiling rodent?!? Think of the economy, people!

3. Mosquitoes are breeding at epic rates! Yes, those pesky critters are having the time of their lives, what with puddles and brackish water abounding. It is definitely a mosquito buyer's market. This will have the following effect: more bats, which will definitely help the economy as rabies vaccines will need to be mass produced, and increased sales of "Skin So Soft", that magical lotion that works on mosquitoes like garlic does on vampires while leaving your skin silky smooth and supple, putting money in the pockets of Mrs. Tuttlebaum (our friendly Avon sales rep). Again, the economy.

4. Decreased water usage! Yes, at this time of year men in Bermudas, black socks and sandals in places like Cheektowaga, Tonawanda, and Lackawanna New York normally would be hosing down their concrete driveways on a daily basis (it is a particular obsession among we men of Polish descent: a clean driveway = a happy homeowner). Thus, water can be saved for important things, like washing the pizza pans at Chuck E. Cheese's, or for washing heavy sweaters and warm socks.

5. Souls are being saved! Summer Sunday's are a bit sparse on Mass attendance, as any Monsignor can tell you, but not this summer! Pews are packed. Now if we could just arrange for the return of Jesus to coincide during a Sunday summer squall...

Well, there you have it. Five positives in a big puddle of negatives. For those walking around looking like someone stole your bike because it is still raining, lighten up. Give a little whistle. Put on a happy face. Cheer up Charlie. There's a silver lining in that big, ominous black cumulonimbus heading this way. Think about that while you hustle the kids in the basement, Mr. Crabby Pants.


  1. Praised be Jesus Christ!
    Now and forever!

    and if I may be permitted to quote Father Mitch Packwa, from the live show the other night..
    "I would like to thank Mr. Al Gore for solving the Global warming problem so swiftly!"

  2. Great post. I am a little jealous, though. July has been hot in Southern California, and we do not have A/C. A little rain would be nice right now.

  3. It's all relative, isn't it? We will gladly ship our rain your way!


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